i close one eye at you

What do you mean, Pepe?
"I close one eye at you"
you mean, wink?
"Yis"

Match.com, why dost thou tease me?
Ha ha, so, yes. I was checking it out for the lack of winks and what not, except save Cindy's, but it was a pity wink. *lol* ha ha. well, so I only have that one wink. Tonight, I winked at several. Just like last night.

Ha. If i actually ever get any responses back from these, I'm gonna laugh. I figure, I have nothing to lose. It's not like I'm paying for it right now. And yeah, I'm the wrong kind of asian for most of these caucasians, hispanics, asians, middle easterners, etc. But, eh, i've got nothing to lose. I don't know why they won't use plentyoffish.com. it's actually free to say hi on there and all. ah well. :)

i can be crude

so this morning, i called up a friend to see if she was in.
anyways, timing was slightly off, but she called back and hollered.
"g'mornin'"
"gooood morning. why'd you call?"
"was calling just to say hey"
"oh, i thought you were calling to say you were bringing breakfast"
"hmm. did i get any? ha ha. no. so no breakfast for you!"
"ha ha ha ha"

sometimes, i wonder about the no-time-to-think responses i give. but damn, it's funny too.

A New Hope-less

The friends and coworkers...and cousins, are taking it upon themselves to get me attached.
Man, i'm like a decal with a shelf life. Shelf life gets closer to expiration til i get attached onto some hardware.

ha ha. as it is, Cindy's been trying to work some magic. A New Hope.
But, unfortunately, that's a negative, Ghostrider. We're thinking this one is married or is as good as married. Too bad, she looks really cute, and Cin says she's really smart. For now, it's ok cuz i have a BumPod to keep me pre-occupied. Eh, I'm dancing at work and happily working along, I reckon. distractions are always nice.

today, we had a branch meeting, and it was a birthday one. That's where we have a birthday cake for all the birthday people for a given month. However, with the holidays and what not, we didn't have any for November, December, and January, so we combined them all today. Marble cake with chocolate icing... muy yum. Two co-ops in our branch were also introduced, one being Erin, and the other being some chic who attends Texas A&M. Maybe it was the natural reaction of a cute girl, or the fact that she's an Aggie... well, Aggies love to go "Whoop!", and when she said she was from Aggieland, I just...went "Whoop!" One of my managers turned, looked at me and laughed, and Jose, sitting next to me, said, "It's ok, Bum". Hah, he got a quick smack on the chest (he was sitting lower than I was cuz I was sitting on a table). I felt old and blah and stupid cuz these folks graduated High School in 2004. Yes. I feel old. I graduated High School in 19-94.

anyway, I got Patsy to get one of her projects closed out today, which means she's delivering one month ahead of schedule. Yeah, I can crack a whip at times, but it's for good reason. It always looks better to deliver ahead of schedule, let alone one month. I also finished up a set of drawings for someone, so those -should- be ok. Maybe we can shave off a month in another delivery.

Like I said, Bumpod is cool cuz i get distracted from feeling old. I'd just dance in the hallway, in the lab, in the offices... Except that I do have headphones on and tend to talk louder with them on. Ha ha. My bad. didn't intentionally wanna shout, yell, or talk louder. just didn't realize it was that bad.

Class tonight was ok. Seemed to drag a little, but we still got out early, and the break in between was a long 15 minutes. I sat next to Michelle, whom I've known for more than 15 or so years. She's like a kid sister to me. The cute girls behind us are married, and there's one across from us... no idea...yet. There's an interesting one in the Thursday class though. ha ha. and yes, i do go to class to learn, but eh, i suck as a Jedi due to lack of focus at times. After class, met up with my friend Jules, who is also taking a few classes this Spring. we chatted for a bit, and then came home, ate dinner, and now just chillin.

That's been the day for the most part. I might add some more songs to BumPod, or I might just play the new video game before exercising. Who knows. As it is, it was an okay day.

Tuesday Morning the Weather is Fine

Day 2, BumPod is now up to 413 songs or 1.58 GB. And I'm not even done yet with the get-up-and-go musi I'd like it to have. Soon, BumPod, soon...

Yesterday was not bad for the most part. It was Mike and Megan's going away lunch at Don Pico's. The Mexican food wasn't bad, and the prices weren't shabby either. They had lots of stuffed from El Salvador, and they looked pretty funny, but just disconcerning while hanging up over the tables. Thank goodness they weren't real. Work day was typical. Reviewed drawings, reviewed paper, made a fw meeting trips here and there and ran some paperwork. Nothing too major, really.

After work, went to Fry's and picked up a video game for Xbox. Well, ok, it was 15 dollars cheaper than normal, and it was new. Battlefield 2, if y'all are wondering. I wonder if the games we play have an inkling of an insight into who we are deep inside. If so, I'm a pirate ninja that's also a special ops NASCAR driver/sniper. Ha ha. Avast ye, honorable foe, I shall now snipe you from 200 yards away in a moving vehicle going approximately 190 miles per hour....silently...except for the roar of the stock car. ha ha ha.

Also picked up a hard case for BumPod so it won't get roughed up too bad as it grows older. But, as I stood at Fry's for 20 minutes trying to get some help looking for one just the right size, 2 people came, not from that department, and didn't know what I wanted. I walked over to another... help will be sent. No help was sent. You don't leave one of your own!!! oh, wait... it's just a department store. ok, so i gave up and while at Fry's, I called Best Buy. No joy...no hard cases there. So, ha ha, laugh, but it's true. It'd been 25 minutes now and still no help. I actually CALLED Fr's while INSIDE Fry's, asked for their iPod area, and asked for some help. I got the person who had promised help earlier but was just standing there and what not... she was kinda cute... anyways, I asked for help... guess what? she finally then came over and helped me look. They had some but they were still in their shipping boxes overheard. Hmm. not too shabby, but I just have to laugh that to get help, i had to CALL them from their own store from my own cell.

"So uh... hi. Whatcha doin? Oh yeah? I was wondering, wanna go out, say..tonight? Oh you know, we could probably go for a walk, look for an iPod cover... see you in 2 minutes? Great, i'll be right over."

No, it didn't really go that way, but ha ha, that'd been funny. "Hey baby, hey baby"

Finally, got home, watched a little tv, napped for a quick bit, then read for my class tonight. not a bad read, and i still have a few more pages to go, but i'll just have to skip it for now. i pretty much got the majority of the topic, and it was pretty cool.

That was pretty much about it, except Cindy might be my new old best friend. Ha ha. well, one month from now, even.

Ok, oatmeal should be done. I have to smirk when oatmeal is prepared cuz once in a while, it tends to clump up, and i have this tendency to slice at it as if it were a controlled yet illegal substance. street value for oatmeal with chocolate syrup? ha ha. Ok, time to go eat my oatmeal and get on to work. :)

Takin Tests

GRITS Congratulations! You scored 87!

Darlin’, you are without a doubt a true southern bell or southern gentlemen. You move to a simpler way of life. With more people like u the south will rise again!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 77% on southernpoints

Link: The Southerner test Test written by stjude579 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Happy Birthday BumPod

Dear BumPod, your new birthday is January 30, 2006. :)
hee hee. I am so totally gonna put some songs on you. We're gonna be dancing, you and i.

*g i d d y*

hee hee. :) 76 songs so far, and it's only 12:19. gotta get you more songs. yes. :)

i love erin

So i was talkin' with my friend from ISCA/ohio...
"Hey Erin. You're on my Xmas list."
"I am?? OOOH! What am I getting?"
"no no no. YOU are on MY Xmas list."
"Oh! YAY!"
"so i'm gonna tell Santa he has 2 yrs to get r' done"
"GET R DONE!"


i <3>Erin.

She will be loved...by someone else

My dear cousin invited me to join her and her roommate, and maybe a few others to go catch Maroon 5 at the rodeo. Awesome, i could go... and then she told me what day it was... and it was blah. yes. blah. I have a midterm exam that night, so there's no way. So, yeah, Maroon 5 will be loved by my cousin and her friends, but will not receive any from me. ha ha. damnit. hrm, who else is playing the rodeo that weekend?

iPod status for 1/29

Well, I'm lazy and still haven't opened the damn thing.
I'm thinking of all the possibilities as far as music i'd put in there.

• Linkin Park
• George Strait
• Bob Marley
• Vienna Teng
• The Shins
• Frou Frou
• Cranberries
• Nirvana
• Eric Clapton
• Garden State Soundtrack
• Jesus Christ Superstar
• Bee Gees
• 2pac
• Ludacris
• etc, etc

Hmm. i'd prolly dance the days away, let alone sing to myself while getting stuff done. ah, the possibilities. i might break down and try it out tonight. :)

WYSIWYG

What you see is what you get.

Plain and simple. To me, that used to be a way of describing something in computer lingo. Nowadays, it basically describes who and how i am. Yeah, there was a time i would change a hell of a lot to be someone else in hopes someone would pick me. Now, well, what you see is what you get. If you like me, it's cuz of who i am today and maybe a few changes tomorrow, but for the most part, this is it.

i'd been checking out match.com, and actually, today, considered even subscribing for a month or three months. Thanks to the iPod, i might not. Just yet. Ha ha ha. Music will keep me company for now, mofo's! But as i was checking it out, I'd look at what others are looking for, instead of what I was looking for, i.e. use the 'reverse search' feature, and i'm chatting with some friends... well, crap. i meet a good deal of what these people are looking for, minus being the wrong type of asian. ha ha. well, i can't really change that, but i have the mentality and accent of a Texan. ah well. so, i updated my profile and basically said, what you see is what you get.

let's see what happens.

hey baby, hey baby

i lost my glasses.
like i was telling Hailz, i look forward more to mondays because I have a feeling of worth that day, knowing what i had to look forward to for the day and the week. Fridays,...well, the last two fridays, it's been like... shit. it's 5 o'clock, i don't have to go home, but i can't stay here. what do i do, where do i go. i want to go out, but not alone. who can i ask? i hate being the third wheel. if i didn't lose my glasses like a fucktard, i'd prolly been able to hang out with Cindy.

ah well. :) Hailz helped me look for the glasses, but it was a lost cause. So, we went to the mall, stopping by Best Buy first. I checked out an iPod, and, considering available funds, overtime, coupons, etc, opted to get one tonight. Prolly gonna start figuring it out this weekend. After Best Buy, we headed on over to McDonalds, had a snack, and then headed off to the pet store. There were several cute girls there, ha ha.. one-tracked mind, i know. But one might be too young, and the other...well...that's where Hey Baby comes in.

You see, there was this parrot bird, and it was trying to break free from his enclosure. I'd stare at it and tried to get it to speak. It squawked at me once or so, but otherwise, didn't say a thing or repeat what i'd say. Didn't stop me from trying though...so i'd stare at the bird, and say "Hey Baby, Hey Baby"..."Hey Baby, Hey Baby".
Well, apparently, as I was saying this, one of the pet trainers walking by heard me, and thought I was telling -her- "Hey Baby, Hey Baby". But I'm totally looking at the bird, and Hailz sees this, laughs, then says "I don't think the bird will reply to you". The funny thing to her is, apparently, the pet trainer thought I was talking to her, stopped in her tracks, looked at me, and I kept saying "Hey Baby", so she was walking towards me, probably to say WTF... and then Hailz responded, and the trainer realized, "oh, he's talking to the bird". ha ha. Hailz tells me how this all happened, so then we kept saying Hey Baby, Hey Baby.

ha ha. if all else fails, i'm gonna go check out the pet store. ha ha. awesome.

hey baby

in the meantime

hi. i've got nothing going on this friday.
would you like to go out and just do something?
i dunno. a movie or dinner or ice cream or just go out for a walk or something.

hmm. ha ha. nice daydream. fuck it. time to go to sleep.

after midnight

it's 7 after midnight according to this one watch.
and i'm fucking tired. my eyes are tired but right now i'm telling them to fuck off.
i'm fixin to grab me a beer, and just chill til i fall asleep.

class was cool tonight. instructor was understanding that some of us didn't have books yet. and no, i haven't heard back fromt he school after i emailed the store manager, the store secretary, and the vice president for student affairs because the store people were rude. there were a few new folks in class, while some from last week weren't there. hmm. they either dropped, or just didn't make it tonight. i get to class, and two folks, an older lady who seems pretty cool, and this other one...looks almost my age and seems cool and cute, both asked if i'd ever taken public speaking because of how i answered and discussed in class last week. hmm. no, just a few presentations here and there, i guess. so yeah, one of the new chics is a goth looking but cool chick, and another was one of the ones who said hi.

nothing really significant happened today. work was typical. well, i only sot myself once, and wanted to do so only 4 times. not bad. hmm. yet another friday. no idea what to do in a few hours other than wake up, shower, and go to work. i haven't even gone to sleep and i'm already ready to show flair. that and have a menth. the lab was pretty fun tonight. Smiley and i put some hardware together, and every now and then, some people would stop by the lab to say hey. One of them asked about my phone, and prolly cuz it was quiet ad boring in the lab that i played my ringtones. ah, gotta love disco ringtones, sweet home alabama, etc. meetings, check. paperwork, check. drawings, check. all systems go.

had spaghetti/pasta tonight. not too shabby. and now, i am staring at the fridge.

hmm. friday. i guess the whole addiction of going out on a friday has bitten me. but as it is, who do i ask? this is how it was last week. i don't wanna go alone. that's prolly the best motivation killer. hmm. ah well.

my book is scheduled to arrive next week before class. yay for online shipment tracking.
other than that, nothing else really new. Cin called it an early night and she still had her late night snack. fuck, can this week just get over with? while we're at it, can we fast-forward to March or April?

Lab Talk with Smiley - Parentland

Every now and then, Smiley and I have the funniest conversations. Well, ok, it's every time. Basically, after each time, or each topic, we end up saying, Dude, that is gonna go on the blog. And yeah, it's a let-downer when it doesn't make it, so hopefully, memory serves me correctly. And the funny thing is, the shit we come up with is just...off the wall, some raunchy, some just so fucked up... ha ha...

"ok, so like... Russia is the Motherland, right?"
"Yeah"
"And like... Germany is the Fatherland, right?"
"Yeah"
"What other countries have that parental title?"
"Hmmm"
"Italy?"
"hmm...nah"
"France?"
"Um...."
"ha ha ha ha"
"ha ha ha ha"
"ok, so I guess not. No other countries. Hmm. England?"
"hmm...no"
"so that makes all the other countries, kids"
"guess so"
*long pause*
(with a lisp) "oh hey, guysth, I'm Franth"
"HA HA HA HA HA"

Pimp/Pimpstress Status

Cindy:
-Jennifer from Myspace
-Ann from Myspace
-the one we chatted about, re: rrrRRRrrr

KC:
-Kerry

Kasey:
-???

Jessica:
-???

Hailey:
-???

Kerry:
-???

Erica:
-???

Dan:
-See Cindy/above

??? = none at the moment

Feliz Cumpleanos Pepe

Jan 24, the day in review.

Went to sleep early last night. Early is relative, and to me, before 2am is early. Woke up from a nice dream, decided to dress up a little decent instead of just a t-shirt and jeans. Got to work, basically can't remember how it started. Paid Maury for the candy... I swear. Maury sucks as a dealer. He does NOT understand the idea behind "First One is Always Free". Granted it's for his son's band fundraiser, candy is a drug, and his entire staff are junkies. First one is ALWAYS free!

But he is a good dealer to his chocolate junkies. He will bring some more tomorrow...so he said. Note to tourists: DO NOT FEED OR SHOW CHOCOLATE TO ENGINEERS. WE WILL ATTACK YOU FOR CHOCOLATE!

Reviewed some more evals., had a few tag-up meetings with the team, same old, same old. To be honest? I really do love my job. I love the people I work with a bit more. But for a brief few today, the sudden heated thought of "FUCK YOU ALL, I VOLUNTEER TO QUIT BECAUSE I HAVE HAD IT!" flashed through my mind.
Again, I say, I like what I do, but sometimes... sometimes, I can only take so much pessimism. It's like trying to bring an optimist down. uncool. I can only take so much snide comments. I can only take so much complaining and excuses, and not of the petty nature. I can understand missing a deadline because things DO happen beyond our control. I can understand when some people are difficult. But for everything else, I mean, really, when it's part of the process that we all have to abide by, common sense and logic or not (i.e. idiocy), please quit complaining. This is what we are paid to do, whether we like it or not, and I happen to like it more often than not. Nothing at work in the last year and a half has brought me down from a natural high other than hearing "Got a minute?" followed by "I just don't get how work can ever get done in this place with all of these things people keep throwing at you, and then you have more to put up with...". A joking complaint here and there, hey, no problem. We all do so. But when it's a constant deal I have to listen to, please... you are 2 seconds away from me showing flair, and not in a joking friendly manner. and quit fucking using the excuse of 'not ever done this before',' still new at this', etc., etc. Fuck, I have two fresh outs who i am DAMN well proud of who get shit done. Time and again, they, along with one more can say "I'm Shaft, who delivers 10 times out of 10?". Yes. they get 'er done. Your turn.

yes, that required feeding the ducks. Sorry, Cin. Woulda invited, but ha ha. It was impromptu and unexpected like a volcano waiting to happen. There were the usual mallards and the female ducks, but even cooler were the bluebirds. Yep, bluebirds came down on a mission and got some food too. The squirrels were around, and Hails also pointed out a woodpecker. Fed the birds, walked on back afterwards, had a few more lil status meetings and finished up two drawings, and then went to school.

Left work to go to class. Luckily, the prof. didn't do a quiz. Yeah, it's only the second night of class, but I didn't get to finish reading for the class. Not that it was boring reading, cuz I am interested. It's just that there was little time this weekend. I'll be sure to read up this week. An old family friend, Michelle, is in the class too. She just got added on today, so that's pretty cool. She's like a little sister to me. The bookstore closes at 7pm, and the prof. didn't let us out on break until 6:45-6:50pm. Last Tuesday when I was buying books, the bookstore told me Art class did NOT need a book. Thursday, I get to class, and there IS a textbook. fuck. So... today, first chance at the break, I run to the bookstore. I swear, 6:fucking55, they're closing the door, literally walking briskly away and saying in a not-so-customer-service way of "We're closed, we're closed". For those who understand this... imagine "sky is falling/EPO". Yes. but I noticed there were still some people in the bookstore. So I tap on the door and wave hi. "WE'RE CLOSED!" But you don't understand... "WE'RE CLOSED AND WILL OPEN AGAIN AT 8:30AM!" All caps? Yes, maybe cuz they thought they needed to yell cuz mabe I could not hear.

Um... let's see. you have weird store hours. Some days you're open til 7, other days, you're open til 5. I work Monday to Friday. Thursday class is on the OTHER side of town. Work gets really busy really quick. How busy? I EAT COLD FRENCH FRIES, YOU FUCKERS! I'VE NEVER EATEN WARM FRIES AT WORK! But wait...there's more. YOU STUPID FUCKS TOLD ME "Art 1301 doesn't have a book." Are you sure? "yes" It's 6:fuckin55, NOT 7pm. Open the fucking door, take my money, and give me my book cuz i need to read 40+ pages BY Thursday. Jesus fuck, and people ask why some people lose good manners and not be nice to others? It's cuz they pull this customer-service shit. It's not like I'm there to fucking window-shop, or buy candy. I. NEED. A. BOOK. The book YOU told me I didn't need. The book YOU told me the class didn't even have. hey Bookstore? FUCK YOU!

Class went a little quicker. Thank god for cute girls in class...and a subject that's pretty interesting enough. Class got out earlier, and so I drove back up and met up with Pepe, Mike, Skip, Player, Amber, Jess and a few others. After that, headed over to Pepe's to hang out for a bit. Ha ha. After two years or so, I -finally- met Janet. Inevitable, Pepe, inevitable. No stopping what can't be stopped.

Janet is really cute, but so cute in fact, that, I'm too much a loser to say hi to her. I dunno. Just the vibes, I reckon, in the sense that, ha ha, no chance in hell for me, even if she wasn't Pepe's sister. Like, eme thinking she deserves better if I were to ever even think of trying. Ah well. *snickers* On the way out, she said I should come by again. heh. Pepe will kill me for this. But, it was a priceless moment.

Got home, checked work email... yes, sad, I know, and reviewed another eval. It's almost time to call it a night. Well, ok, so right now it's almost 1am, but still. Chatted with Cindy for a few before she headed off to sleep. Ha ha. Never tell me you're hungry because i WILL recommend that you eat. Poor Cin hasn't caught on to this yet, so she does go off to get something to snack on, but in doing so, called me the Devil. Ha ha. So I told her, Fine, I'm the Devil, and you're my Cin.

Ok, time to call it a day. Granted I vented on two things, it was a pretty nice day. Tomorrow is Hump Day, and I'm making it my bitch.

Want to see me cry?

Alas, poor Crown Bottle!

I knew it well.

A fellow of infinite fun,

of most excellent taste,

espcially with coke and cherries.

It hath borne me on its flavor many a time

and now, how abhored in my eyes, it is!

That, prithee, my friend, dear Crown Bottle

is no more.

Yay team

January 2006.
National Championship Game between University of Texas and University of Southern California. The UT Longhorns just scored. If that's the case, what's wrong with this picture?

That's right, Sweetheart. but just because one of the pom-poms is orange, or the fact that any team scored, well... you don't have to go YAY Team. But hey, she knows a winner when she sees one, I guess.

YAY Team

TP

KC sent me this on email, and I had to laugh. She basically said, "for those who give us a difficult time".

Man, I hope I never give her a hard time. At the same time, I am curious if these things actually exist. Scary thought.

Just another manic monday

sleep. sleep is always good. Such a precious commodity, this sleep.

it was happily being imported to the Republic of Bum when shipment was stopped abruptly this morning. The supply run will have to wait until the next available shipment, tonight. And unless otherwise mentioned, it's a fairly daily event, this import of sleep. Sometimes, there are passengers called dreams, such as the case last night.

Last night, I had this nice dream. i was with my dreamgirl... who to this point is still nameless. still out there. but in the dream, we would walk along the water, on grass and this boardwalk of sorts. sky was blue, and it was a nice dream. ah... well.

today, as with any day, i hit the ground running. go in the shower, drove to work, mundane stuff for a monday, really. but got to work, said hey to Smiley, and went on with checking work mail and just getting my bearings...making a plan of attack. I had to share with some friends the fact of the new potential dreamgirl, and Mikey said, possibly, but who knows. Hmm. :) Tomorrow will be fun, for sure. But, for now, what happened today was the usual drawing and paperwork review, status meetings to attend, leads meeting to go to, and project budgets to look over. And yes, the dreaded self-evaluation.

Granted, more than half my group has never filled one of these out, let alone know what to put down. My advice was simple. Make it so that it seems you can walk on water. No. Forget that. Make it seem that you created water. With that in mind, I had to do my own. Hmm. It's not always easy to do these things because where do you go from being objective and say this is why i kick ass, to just being cocky and say, booyah!? all the same, these activities are always fun.

Erin was having a day, it seems, and so before leaving for the day, i left her a small note. Basically, smile! :) with the obligatory smiley face. No idea why i'm fond of these smiley faces, but i just am. all the same, she let me know she got my note and it helped brighten her day. My day is complete.

But wait, there's more. Got home, then drove to the airport and picked Mom up. Helped unpack and put things in their place. I got my orders in, so i'll hopefully be able to make some deliveries tomorrow. other than that, just ate dinner and now entering stuff on the b-log. Cindy somehow called it an early night. Hmm. Tomorrow will be a fun day cuz we have some plot-and-scheme, shock-and-awe plans laid out.

Tonight, before I sleep, I have to read for my class tomorrow. I already started and read 4 out of 30 pages from the book, and i also have 5 pages to read from the included CD. Hmm. Not too shabby since from what I've read so far, it's an interesting read. Maybe because deep down, i actually do like the subject matter.

other than that, not much else is new, except that I had sent a note to Crissa, and she replied to me today. Crissa's from my old college, and she was always cute. Hmm...always wore a grey sweatshirt and all too. I've got to reply to her tonight too. All in all, it's been a nice day and a nice night. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Change

It had been some time since I had adopted a lighthouse as a backdrop for here. I'd say it was around 2004, espcially after taking a liking to Vienna Teng. Yes, I still love her and her music dearly, and mainly picked the background for Harbor.

It's time for a change... leave that harbor and see what's out there, even if the only light is from the moon.

Like I mentioned earlier, I was reading Rachael Yamagata's blog in her myspace, and she wrote the following:

Don’t smoke. It’s so incredibly bad for you. I’m driving along and driving everyone nuts because I can’t stop coughing. Of course, I picked up smoking to lose weight and have some sort of crutch to rely on during stressful times (every day) and now it’s messing with my voice which makes me more stressed and who cares if I lose weight cause now I have a new bad habit.
...
I do wish I could do things in their proper order and with the right timing, but I seem to reverse everything. Symbolic dates and holidays never resonate with me, I work more when everyone else has the day off and can’t seem to get anything done when all is productive around me. I’m hung up on fair play and the telling of the full story and when that fails it is like little crushing blows…

What the hell are we doing to each other I wonder? Have you seen that movie?…. what is it called…Sara Polley, is that her name? I think she is in it. I forget the title… She finds out she is dying and so she makes this list of things to do before she goes. She decides to not tell her family that she is sick. Anyway, this list… things like ‘Always say what she is thinking’, and ‘Make a stranger fall in love with her’ etc. etc. She makes tapes for her daughters future birthdays full of the mother’s advice that they shouldn’t miss out on. It’s the most beautiful movie and she lives the last days without all the crap of human existence. And I guess I wish that for everyone and myself. To not ever be ruled by guilt or fear or regret. To just tell it like it is the very best way we can. And to forgive everything.

Some days are more difficult than others. Some days you try to do that and feel like you are just throwing up all over the world, foolishly uncensored, on some quest to understand and be understood. And it all feels like high school once again.

I think loneliness may be the most evil feeling of all.

I wish I’d taken philosophy in school. I may have learned something.

Anyway, that is my jibberish for this blog. Repair someone today. Even if it is just yourself.

So true. So true. After last week, I'm in need of repairing myself. Slowly getting there. Trying to live without guilt or fear or regret. Leaving loneliness behind in the rear-view mirror but not closer than it appears. On the road to being free. If I go too fast, let me know, and I'll not go so fast. But all the same, it's time for change, one step at a time and i'm slowly getting there one step at a time.

You're looking for me

There's this girl on match.com.
I'd seen her on there before, and I'd chatted with Cindy about her tonight.
She's really cute. Attractive, really. The Girl Next Door type. She's 24, and just... she's really cute. Anyway, this is what the title said, and what she says to describe herself...

Let's see if these southern boys know how to woo and wow a woman ;-)

I'm a sweet, honest, and energetic person. I'm pretty laid back and I enjoy doing almost anything and am always looking to have fun (who doesn't like fun?!). Currently I spend most of my time working, training for the Houston Half Marathon, or going out with friends. I'm looking for someone to make me smile, someone who will sing loudly and dance with me (even if we both look goofy!), someone who will laugh with me while watching my cheesy TV shows and movies, someone who will enjoy going for walks in the evening with me and my dog, and someone who will take me out for ice cream.

How do I find her? How do I tell her I could probably make her smile? I'll dance and sing even if we both looked goofy as long as we had fun doing so, laugh with her, go out for walks, and especially go and take her out for ice cream?

I'm here. Right here. You're looking for me, and I'm right here.

My Own on MTV

ok, so the show i was watching was "My Own" on MTV.
First time, i've seen it, the premise is, there's someone who has an obsession... near stalking, really.. and they want to date a celebrity... which is never gonna happen.

So, MTV will try to do the next best thing. They auditioned several people, narrowed down to 6.
Based on first impression, the person narrows it down to 4. From this episode, they did it with trivia questions and impromptu "dance for me" type things. The person brings two friends along for commentary too.

Of the four, the next round was based on home videos of "why you should pick me".

That brings it down to 3.
Of the 3, they then dress up and perform for the person. From there, the person then picks one.

This episode, the guy was into Shakira. Lived, breathed, whatever Shakira. Compared all women to Shakira. Hmm. *skaes head* So in the first round, no worries, he picked ok. The two could go.

As far as the second round, the 1 he got rid of, no worries. The three girls left weren't too bad. One wsas more Shafreaka than Shakira. Crystal was ....damn, she had a body. And the performance was... the third one...Heather...could sing, but dance wise and stuff? I didn't see Shakira in her.

The guy picks Heather. I'm like... DUDE, DID YOU NOT SEE CRYSTAL? DID YOU NOT SEE THE PERFORMANCE??? Poledance, wet hair, nice dance, nice outfit? I'd been "Shakira WHO? Crystal was wher it's at." Stupid show.

Monster Ballads

Ok. I'm here watching some TV eating lunch... and a commercial for Monster Ballads comes on. I remember these bands. Big hair. Constipated looks while playing guitar, and it did NOT require the constipated looks. Really. You can play the guitar and drums AND sing just fine without it.

twenty years later.

I have to ask, do these fuckers still have big hair?

Mullets?

If so... jesus, what the fuck? ha ha.
man, that'd be scary.

"Hi, I was in an 80s band" [as he flings his long ass hair back]

my response?

"You still are, bitch!"

LOL

How to make a Me

How to make an Asian Redneck


Ingredients:

3 parts intelligence

5 parts brilliance

5 parts empathy

Method:

Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of sadness and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail ~ From Go-Quiz.com

May feeling

For some reason, I am sitting here on a lazy Saturday afternoon waiting for my chicken soup to get done. I am looking through my myspace and immersing myself in talent that is out there...listening to their words, their music, their raw power.

I read a post in Rachael Yamagata's blog on myspace and it made me think... and they transformed from words on a screen to someone's living words to me actually hearing it from the screen in my own mind. As I read, it was as if some of the words were actually talking to me and i eagerly soaked in these words.

And as I sit here typing listening to her music, i close my eyes and see what I would associate with a happy feeling, dancing carefree on a hill. We were standing at Mike H's desk on Thursday, and his screensaver was one of those default Windows XP backgrounds with a lush green field and hill with purple mountains in the background, and then, I said, Can you both see me? Can you see me standing there? I am there right now, arms outs running up and down like an airplane flying, getting a sled and gonna go down that hill and i am having fun.

right now, as i sit here, listening to this music, i have this feeling of May, that nice weather, on some unknown field of really green and beautiful, and i am dancing carefree and whether or not people can see i do not know nor care, but if they are there i want them to join me.

que quieres en la vida, she asked?
he responded, to be free.
simple, she whispered back as he shook his head, knowin full well it was never quite that simple...

indeed, i love that line, i love that scene, but just now, i gained an even bigger appreciation of it. free is not just freedom, an intangible right and ownership, but this state of mind. i don't know how long this free will last, but for now, i am not questioning it like a guest in my house. stay as long as you like. i'm dancing in my head and everything is fine.

Post 1100

Dear World,
I left work today, walking out with Jessica with a miserable outlook on the night. I drove, didn't know if I was gonna do furniture with Starrla, Walmart with Jess, or Trivia with KC and Colin. I drove around. Made my way to the mall. I didn't really have the intention of buying or staying there too long. I called Cindy and Julie. Jules was busy, but we'll just have to say hey on Tuesday. Got to Barnes and Noble with the intent to have a frap with menthol. Turned down a scary movie with Wilson and Lauren. And just... walked inside Barnes and looked at books and comics. Saw a pirate book. (Yes, Smiley, once a pirate, always a pirate, but still). And finally, just left, drove home, and got home.

Got home, took a piss, and turned the laptop on. And then i finally snapped out of it. I've got my appetite back. I'm hungry. I'm content. I'm happy, and it's not so much giddy, but as if i hit some invisible reset button. It hit me. One week ago, I did something I hadn't done before and that was ask someone out and had fun at that. So much so that I couldn't wait until I could do so again, even with the unspoken waiting bullshit rule, ha ha, i waited. And went out again on Monday. And waited again til the next time. Only... there was no next time, and even if there would have been, i'd been bogged down with the thought of even getting there. Reservations? Yeah, maybe, kinda. who knows. maybe. but tonight is friday. and i was miserable. miserable all week, noticeably all week. not to my design, against my will i stood beside my own reflection in front of this laptop. and it hit me. i was miserable because i got addicted to something new, and there was one thing lacking that i was scared of and ya know... the fact that i am home tonight, i faced the fear, and i'm still alive. probably with a fucking ulcer, but hey, i prolly lost some weight... but the point is, dear Jessica, you're right, and yeah, others have told me this too, but Jess drove the point home.

Dear Life,
you are once again my bitch. you are not just once again my bitch, but you have learned something new, and i from you, and this is good. And so, i'm accepting rejection or even the mere thought of it. it happens, but you still live. yeah, i know, yer saying shut the fuck up, age old lesson... but it took a while to get to me, fuckers. Memo took a while. but it's here now, and hmmm... yeah... next time, i'll use the word date. fuck it. that's Life. Time I started living it while I still have it.

Bio-WHAT?

Dude, ok, so i'm about to go to sleep, and i came across an old site i used to go to, and checked my biorhythms for 1/0, and a +/- 14 day thing.

last week, all was aligned perfectly, and stuff. right now, everything had been on a downhill slide...

frickin coincidental.

Chuck Norris Facts for 1/20/06

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Somewhere I belong

I'm waiting to go to sleep, and so I started listening to the songs on the laptop...
and so yeah, i like linkin park. won't say i'm the biggest fan, but i do have all the CDs, an autographed drumhead, a poster.... ha ha. ok, so i like linkin park. anyways, the lyrics to this one song might be appropriate lately. i've been telling myself i feel lost and looking...

"Somewhere I Belong"

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

The Ducks

Cindy took this one as they got dangerously close. Ha ha. No fear...if you bring food.

It was like...hmm... this looks like a good shot, lemme borrow your camera....and point...and...stay RIGHT there, Duck....and....click. muhahahaha

awesome.

what is this

thing we call food?

hmm.
since tuesday, my diet has mainly consisted of Nestea, Coke, Bud Light, Crown and Coke, more Bud Light, a small orange, mentholyptus, and menthols.

no appetite. it would seem that now, out of sheer force and lak of appetie, i force myself to eat a meal. god, i must be sick. and yet, i am not sick as in meds sick. funny though, cuz my beta fish are the same way. he can g without eating at times, and i'd drop some food in now and then, and sometimes, rarely though, won't eat. eh, so i say fuck it, leave fish alone, and then when he's ready, he gives me the "hey, mofo, feed me, swm swim swim swim feed me!" look.

i figure i prolly coulda gone til tomorrow or more w/o eating, but as it is, eh. if i keep this up, i'll either be near dead or damn well close to my weight in high school. ha ha. damn, beat that, Dick Simmons!

today for lunch, i had a cherry coke and i also fed the ducks at work. now THEY had an appetite. i swear, at first, they were shy and swam, and would only eat the crackers that i threw into the pond. but then they got smart and came ashore. ha ha, YAR! avast ye, ducks.

So, yeah, they came ashore and i gave them more crackers. they'd eat. one would actually get greedy and boss the other ducks away. yeah, i stared at that duck, said Fuck off, greedy...but i said it jokingly and with a smile, and gave the other ducks just a little bit more. makes me woer if anyone heard me talking to the ducks. so, they ate and quacked, quacked and ate... went and got a drink from the pond, swam a little bit, got wet by the fountain, quacked, and swam close, came ashore, and ate again. ha ha. man, that is the fucking life. quack quack!

work was ok today. had some stuff lined up to do, but things just kept popping up, so it was the priority game. unfortunately, my things got pushed back. but, it's cool. oh, and before i forget, Cindy owes me ice cream. but then again, I owe Hailey and Erin ice cream. hmm. i've got a one ice cream deficit here... an unbalanced ice cream budget...

so yeah, i wanted to leave work according to the hours i'd posted, but had to stay a lil later cuz right when i got to the parking lot, got a call, and went back in. hmm. guess this means 30 mins less for tomorrow, and though i will not say this has been a fucking week, i just want to go out.
and i don't wanna mallrat it solo like i used to do. i need people. i'm teetering on a mindset here, and i'm trying to get it etched in my head...and i just went to the fridge, got out a pepsi, but also noticed i had Bud Select in there... ahh.... perhaps for a movie tonight. indeed. the weekend starts now.

i've got donut duty tomorrow. I remember when Annie was in our group. The Donut Nazi, really. she HAD to have at least one chocolate glazed with sprinkles. if she had to work on console, if she did not have a chocolate glazed with sprinkles, there would be hell to pay. we don't really have donut nazis in our group anymore. i just have to remember to get Hailey a sausage and cheese kolache tomorrow.

Smiley, the only reason i am putting that here is cuz i know you read the blog and will remind me. ha ha ha.

hmm. fish is giving me the "hey bitch, get your tipsy asian ass over here and feed me."
ok. be right back...

ok. fish is content. i can go back to typing. i'm gonna bring crackers to work tomorrow to feed the ducks again. i like feeding the ducks. they're fun to watch. jesus, this paragraph looks like a fucking elementary writing assignment. "i like ducks. i like to feed ducks." ha ha, but it's true. they're cool and funny.

i am still force feeding myself. hrm. 11pm. if i watch a movie, it'll be done by about 1am. sounds like a plan. and cindy is back from watching Lost.

ok, well, this post is long enough. maybe i can convnce her to send me pics of the ducks we fed yesterday. something new to post.

art class

shit.
i forgot i had art class on thursday.

fuck, i have no idea what the class is about. no lecture textbook or anything.

argh. in the back of my mind, all i see is Leonardo di Caprio and Kate Winslet...
paint me with this... wearing ONLY this....

not that i mind Kate Winslet at all. she's an angel. but good grief, i hope it'll be a good art class.

here

i'm sitting here at the kitchen island, listening to the ticking of the clock. ticking and tocking, reminding me that i am one second, one minute, one moment in time closer to dying. really, the more we live, the more we die. one way of looking at it. this post is not really meant to amuse anyone or to try and make you laugh. if you're looking for that, try checking out the archives. who knows, you might run into the posts about the playboy playmates like karen macdougal and victoria silvstedt. maybe even run into the napoleon dynamite figures by mcfarlane. yeah, i know by putting those words in this paragraph, it'll prolly send people from google or search engines to this post. at this time, i'm actually smiling and chuckling to myself.

i'm sitting here in the kitchen and staring at the white walls, still listening to the clock ticking and tocking.
in the back of my mind, i see myself earlier today sitting on an orange chair, feet propped over the trash can, sitting with Jessica. i'm staring at their office door, and she stops and turns, looking at me quietly. i mean, she just...sat there in her chair and looked at me. peripheral vision, man. peripheral vision. looked at her, looked back at the door, looked back at the wall, looked at the floor, then just stared back at her. can you read my mind?

Whatcha thinkin, Bum Bum?

what am i thinking? i have the fallacy of wearing my heart on my sleeves, my lips, my eyes, what do you read now? i wear the face that says, hi, i am hyper active. hi, i am here. hi, i would be happy and should be happy to be so content. hi, i am pissed off at how work is right now, not so much the work i do because i like it, but for just the decreasing morale that silently is tearing away at us one way or another, however we are affected. hi, my name is bum, and i am guilty of having envy on my mind. hi, i do not know where i am going nor do i know what i am doing. which of these do you see? do you see only one, or do you see them all?

here. here i am. i can't show you a smile right now, and i am glad it is just a white screen staring back at me, moving text to match the tapping of keys on a laptop. sniffling cuz of sinuses being congested, but not too badly. i know this fucked up shit will be gone by tomorrow and i won't sound AS nasally. Or as Cindy put it, "raspy, sexy, husky smoker voice". huh.

Whatcha thinkin, Bum Bum?

I keep hearing that question in my head. Weird and fucked up? maybe, but it's true. it's true because it's a question i still don't have an answer for. I have a lot on my mind, i've been having a lot on my mind, and instead of a new thought replacing others that have been thought and cleared, it's all retaining inside and building up upon each other. wait wait wait, you're starting to not make sense. ok, let me explain.

normally, i get some thought or two or so in my head, and either i say fuck it, or put it off til later or just... i dunno. figure it out or rationalize it. lately, i haven't. for crying out loud, i don't have a fucking appetite. does that tell you who know me anything? i am too busy thinking to eat. i am surrounded by friends i do love, and yet i feel so alone. utterly, furiously, sadly, alone.

i have my job, i have some sort of health, but the way i am being an ass to myself, that might not last long. no worries, i'll be good, i promise. just as i stay awake wondering what i'd miss if i went to sleep, i'm gonna be late for my own funeral many years from now, hopefully. but like i was saying, i have my job. i have family. i have friends. and yet, here i am selfishly thinking of just feeling alone.

i'm really trying to be good and trying to break out of my old habits. Even Hung called me out on it 4 years ago. Yes, fuck my memory for remembring this shit. We were sitting in 29, at my old desk. and it was after hours. another story that i'll kindly spare the details. long story short, i'm tired of making excuses for being unhappy. i'm tired of short temporary solutions of happiness. for fuck's sake, i'm trying to get rid of the DVDs and all other shit. i am just not content. i hate the fact that i am losing friends to this layoff period. i hate the fact that some friends are getting shafted at work. but what can i do? i am trying, i tried, and i can't do shit about it. but i'm trying to help if i can. but it just doesn't seem enough. fuck, DON'T give me a fucking raise. i know we used to joke about it, the others who've been passed up for a year and a half, but FUCK, if we didn't get raises or whatever else, maybe we can keep some folks. i don't know. i hate not being in control.

i was single and ok, but it's wearing down on me. my friends have significant others, are getting engaged, have gotten married, are having kids. i just want one healthy fucking relationship before i die. but i don't even know where to start. i'm telling myself i'm just not trying hard enough cuz everyone else says i have a lot going for me. don't bother listing them out because i hear it a lot. and no, i'm not an ungrateful ass letting those words fall on deaf ears, i'm just tired. and here. yes, i am an asshole. yeah, there's a chance someone will say, but what about me? well, you're either too young, too old, or not my type. fuck me for saying it, but that's me. i'm not gonna care at this point if you think i'm an ass. fuck you for thinking me as one. how about that? and if you still are reading this, and don't think i'm an ass, and someone i consider a friend...
that is why you are my friend. just pretend i had too much and finally spewing it all out. doesn't look good, doesn't smell good, but just let it go and tomorrow just might be a new day.

i'm still throwing it up. what am i thinking, Bum Bum? i am thinking i just want to sleep. just sleep. close my eyes. live my life vicariously in a dream, even for just a little bit, not through someone else. that's what got me thinking all this shit to begin with.

i'm tired. i have energy to run circles and skip up and down right now, but i am drained. like, i just don't care. i do care, but don't. surely, maybe, some of you have felt this way. but not pussied out like me right now for sharing it. it's cool. i just felt i wanted to pass the time typing out what i was thinking. i'm tired. tired for many reasons. just enough strength to show some flair and a weak smirk.

i've been posting happy stuff lately, why the change? cuz i'm confused between yes and no. questions that make me think again. ones where i don't really have the answers to. maybe i do. but i'm not sure. do i try to find out or just stay at what if? there will always be what if. regardless. i don't know. i smile. i am myself. i can act goofy. ok, i do that anyways. but still. i'm not gonna say what i think here cuz it's just stupid stupid stupid. even when to me it isn't stupid, it will come out as fucked up stupid. but you know, when i do think of why i smile, to me, it's ok. it gives me a sincere smile inside. and for a synapse, i don't think of anything else. i just see a smile... "why'd you have to be so cute? it's impossible to ignore you. must you make me smile so much? say goodnight and go. " to sorta paraphrase Imogen. i'm tired and i can't fucking see the screen anymore.

Volcanic

chatted with a friend today.

funny how things work out. surprises, really. from my side, i confessed that i was the one who'd left anonymous comments on someone else's journal. funny thing is, we both have the same style of writing. scary, i know, but we DO hate capitalizing. i don't know her reasons, but for me, eh, prolly just too lazy or something. fuck it. i am elipses happy myself... see?

it was just funny cuz it was like, "oh yeah, and remember that one time?"... "yeah, this is why i was ticked, amused, blah, etc".

but for what it counts, it was good finally getting that off my chest. and, ha ha. hmm. wow.
i need to smoke after that one.

-signed,
the one who left the anonymous comment with the volcano analogy

Diet

haven't really eaten anything today.
nothing for breakfast
nothing for lunch
nothing for dinner

i did have... lipton tea, two of them, i think, a crown and coke, a bud light, and an energy drink somewhere in there.

i think i should eat lunch tomorrow.

just not up to it. someone asked online if i had peanut butter and said, go make a PB and J sandwich cuz it's happy food. i smiled and said, not feeling the PB and J, and usually, i skip the J. Happy food would be ice cream...and for the first time, i said i didn't even feel ice cream.

dear Lord, what is wrong with me?

Crushes

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oh jeez, hee hee

work was pretty cool today.

I was actually up AND ready to go in early, but... eh, i figured, I have a set time to go in, so...
I chilled and went in at 9. Started going through my to-do list from last week and actually got through a lot of them. Tomorrow's going to be the same way, but still. it'll be fun.

Went through several drawings, and almost done finishing them. Reviewed some paperwork, and just watched Smiley put the new bench in the lab. Well, ok, i helped a little. Just a little. I prolly did more harm then good cuz i'd move the tabletop a little and through off his markings. he heh heh.

Work's been giddy lately, and yeah, i still do some thinking, but the giddy factor's more fun. I like it.

Jim gave me a spare darth maul figure. way cool.

what else... that's about it. today was the first day of school. we got out early, and i though i got there late, i was able to get a USED book. 20 dollars cheaper. no complaints there. the other class apparently doesn't need a book. Hmm. Makes me wonder.

Got out early so I stopped by BW3s to grab a bite and a few drinks. Eh, after a while and just hanging out, called it a night, and tada!

that's about it. it's 11pm. i know, early. but i'm prolly gonna try to call it an early night. ha ha. and yes, Smiley, i did take my meds like a shotglass tonight. ha ha. this time, w/o the pseudoephedrine. ha ha.

i dunno if it shows, but i am happy. happier than i've been in a while and i can't really explain it. yeah, i can, but at the same time, i can't. please let me stay this way. please?

The Discovery

Sideshow had a contest to write some short stories, with some requirements...
had to be 500 words or less, and contain Sideshow Collectibles, or mention their products at least once.

One of the entries I submitted is here:

"Professor! Professor! Please... this way, it is most imperative!"

Jackson was always the excitable student, I thought. What now? It's 2 o'clock in the morning. This had better be good, I thought, lest they desire an old man's temper."

"Yes, let me get my glasses. Now... What is it?"

"Sir, Professor, we've reached the outer sanctum. We believe it to be untouched for centuries, but it seems we're not the first to discover it. We've sent down the robotic droid to find any artifacts."

"What have we seen?"

"Well, it appears that ... here, Sir... on the screen, we're getting direct feedback from the droid's on-board cameras. Channel one, please, Roger."

"Yes, sir."

"They didn't make dwelling places like they do now. I'm surprised we found this structure intact. Organic beams, surrounded by hard, inorganic red substances protecting it..."

"Jackson...hush, please. Roger..."

"Yes, Professor?"

"Pan the camera to the right,... right there. Stop. Now... zoom in, please. Is that a passageway? I can barely make it out, but it appears to be a carbon-based passageway."

"I'm navigating the robot now, Sir. Mr. Jackson, if you could please not block my view. Thank you."

All these years of research, and nothing has turned up. Impossible, but there existed no records of the mountain carving origins. None at all. It appeared to have only two of four images remaining. Still, no explanation the symbolism or importance could be. Decades ago, a discovery of tattered organic material...cardboard...was made. On it, a partial image and the words "ESHOW COLLE" and "EOR HIN TO". This was originally overlooked, but a recent find showed similar markings on yet another tattered cardboard which read "DESHOW COLL" and "RA INC". They had to be connected.

"Professor...Professor..."

"Yes, Jackson? What is it now? I must have been in deep thought."

"Roger navigated the robot as you had directed. Roger, please expand camera 3, zone 1 into the viewscreen, magnification 300."

"Jackson...is that... are those what I think they are? Roger, use the robot's arms and have it return those two items to the craft. Take extreme care as these have survived through ages."

"Yes, Sir."

I could not believe my eyes. Before us now were two boxes, made of the same material as the earlier discoveries, with similar markings. "SHO OLLE" and "GEOR HINGT", "HOW COLLEC" and "RA INC".

Carefully brushing off centuries of dust, we examined our find. The boxes seemed to contain miniature statues, both with faces matching the mountain carvings. The inner lining of the boxes contained a history of information on the two individuals never before known.

"ESHOW COLLE" and "DESHOW COLL" were actually "SIDESHOW COLLECTIBLES". What we knew only as "EOR HIN TO" was GEORGE WASHINGTON, and "RA INC" as "ABRAHAM LINCOLN".

The missing connection was finally established. The images discovered on the mountain were to remember two great leaders from an ancient nation's past, and we would never have known, had it not been for this discovery.

pseudoephedrined

today, basically slept in. ha ha.

so i said i had been taking some meds... well, note to self. read the label. the one i had been taking had pseudoephederine. translation. KEEPS YOU UP AT NIGHT.

now, considering that i ALREADY stay up late... ha ha, this was not HELPING! heh heh. so, finally...now that that's figured out... hopefully I'll sleep before 02:00 tonight. I'd really like to get to work early today. haha. wishful thinking, right? all the same.

so today, i got up, ate brunch, and started cleaning around the house. I got some CDs that I could live without and gathered them so I can probably try trading them in at the mall. No promises, but hey, it's worth the try. Vacuumed a little bit and then called a friend and asked her out to coffee. Eh, she was cool with it, so I picked her up and went. Well, I'd have liked to go check out Kemah, but as it went from misty to drizzle, rain wasn't too far behind.

For those not used to how I describe Houston/Texas rain, whatever is the actual definition, kick it up a notch. A drizzle to you is maybe mist to us. Rain to you is drizzle to us. Torrential downpour to you is regular rain. God-forsaking rain to you is torrential to us.

So yeah, we zagged instead of zigged and stopped by the bookstore while getting coffee. I didn't realize she really liked books, so ha ha! I know what to get for her birthday. We'd compare notes on what we liked and didn't like, what we read and didn't, and heh heh... what she'd read and what i'd watched. Yeah, i know, i suck. She reads, I watch the movie/dvd. She reads a lot, I like pictures. Just kidding, I like to read too. Actually can't sleep unless I do. Makes ou wonder why I don't read more, huh?

My parents got me a picture Bible a LONG time ago. It's actually older than some of my coworkers. Scary thought. But hey, it did the job. I read the Bible, it put me to sleep, AND it had pictures.

Aftr going through the fiction sections, we were headed closer and closer to the coffee, and then... ha ha, she was kidnapped to the back and we read from the birthday book. got to learn more things, and vice versa. It actuall stemmed from her picking up an astrology book up front and ow it was not even close. So, I had to see how close the birthday book was. Not too shabby. Not precise, but it was closer.

Got coffee after chatting some more. and chatted some more during and after coffee. After that, took her back to her place and said goodnight. The drive home from there, we had some good amount of rain. Actually, it's still raining as I type this 4.5 hrs later.

She's great company, this friend. I tend to think a lot and worry with other folks, but i feel at ease just being myself here. Not saying anything, but it's just different. No complaints here. It's nice feeling like this now and then, this natural high, even if nothing comes of it. heh heh, i'm pseudoephedrined.

photographs

Ebba Forsberg once sang, "Give me a photograph and I'll hold it to my heart."

I was talking with a friend and it'd been a while since we had chatted. Some things have changed and some have not since that time, but we always revert back to a time in a photograph. Funny how those things work. They really do capture a moment in time, preserving it. And even when they fade, we sometimes have them etched in our memories.

I've said this before, and I know I'm not the first, nor will I be the last. Our most prized possessions are not just what we have, but what we have that no one else can take away. Only time and death have control over these, but while we are the custodians of our lives, it's our experiences, our memories, these etched photographs in our hearts and minds that we treaure, and to a degree, help make us who and what we are.

Sometimes, someone I have not seen for years, let alone heard from... I'd run across their picture and I automatically associate a memory with them through that image. A silly memory. A serious memory. A memory nonetheless. Sitting in the neighborhood playground, chatting as she smoked. Water in the background andbeing with an old friend. Or, a group of friends huddled together after a theater performance.

I've been called a photoslut before, especially for posing with girls, some of whom i've nver met before, and chances are, will never meet again. But those other times, with people who have come in and out of my life, or have stayed...

give me these photographs, and i will hold them to my heart.

soundtrack at 2:30 this monday morning

02:30.
Monday
01/16/06

If i had a soundtrack of my life playing, right now, I would have Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny playing. One of my favorite songs, it comes to me every now and then. And in the back of my mind, I'm dancing with a woman who still remains faceless and nameless. no idea why the song popped into my head, but it did. one of those close-your-eyes songs.

ha. near-sappy rubbish. but i like it. i like the song. i like the dance. ticket to happy place.

with that, gonna go get ready for sleep.

Under the weather alcoholic

So... here I am, grinning like a dumbass for some unknown reason. I dunno. Been doing that a good deal lately. But what the hell does the title of THIS post mean?

Well, i'm a little uner the weather. Damn cold weather. Bah! ha ha. well, can't complain. when it's too hot, we tend to say, let it be cold. When it's too frickin cold, it's like.. damnit, is summer here yet? ha ha. give me spring or fall. that or at least some time difference instead of going from nice to frickin cold in 1/2 an hour. ha ha.

so yeah, like... under the weather. when i start to feelin a bit blah, i go into automatic get the chicken noodle soup, lemonade, viatmin c, etc mode. this include my favorite flavor, menthol. LOL. no, not the cigarettes, freaks. i've been good, and gonna stay that way. aside from those, i take some meds. ooOOooo....meds...

well, gelcaps are good, except during the day. otherwise, if taken at late hours, they prevent you from sleeping. in my case... i already have issues with sleep at times... so i take the good old fashioned version of the little medicine cup thingie that comes with the liquid version.

only... dad said,... why is it that you take your meds like a shot?

i'm like... but..they're... in a shotglass thingie.

no. it's a measuring cup, you can drink it like a regular whatever. just sip it or something.

i blink. i laugh. and i take the meds as a shot anyways. and slam the cup thingie on the table. i think that's what got his attention to begin with. ha ha.

ah, an under the weather alcoholic. moreso since i drink it alone. now, if i wasn't alone, it wouldn't be so bad. ha ha.

cheers.

Sequels

Broke Back Mountain 2: This time, it's two girls



ha ha ha
awesome.

Just a reminder - Lost and Found

Of all the things I miss, I'd have to say I miss my mind the most.

Good things

-Actually smelling the flowers...just make sure you don't have allergies.

-Smiling at other people and they smile back.

-Chocolate. Evil, but it's so good.

-Ice Cream. Remember, you can never be pissed an eat ice cream...
or at least, not stay pissed for too long.

-Kids doin' the darndest things. Fun entertainment.

-Friends.

-Chicken Noodle Soup. With Rice optional.

-Being young at heart, regardless of age

-Never getting so used to the world that it no longer seems wonderful, thanks to Ashleigh Brilliant for that idea.

-Hugs. One size fits all. Low Calorie, and fully refundable.

can't really see right now

but i've got this silly smile on my face.

funny. well, no, not really, but it's always a good thing.
of course, it might look like i'm up to something, usually mischievous...

not too far from the truth, but as it is, i'm smiling and just happy in my own little world.

El Mariachi

I like spanish guitar music.
I like the spanish influence.

Sure, in this part of the world, it comes in the form of Mexico, but in all honesty, I loved being in Espana. The latin flavor. I may not know who is playing, except for maybe a few instances, but I love flamenco music, etc.

Anyway, I just finished watching Once Upon a Time in Mexico... the movie is still cool as when I wathed it the first time, and actually heard Johnny Depp say "Savvy" in THIS movie, just like in Pirates of the Caribbean. Ha ha, how cool is that? I liked the musical interludes in between the scenes.

But one line was repeated in the movie...
Que quieres en la vida?

What do you want in life?

A simple enough question with a difficult enough answer.
I can easily say I want it all, all I can get in a lifetime.

But for now, en este vida, let's see where it goes. I've had an idea, but there's still a lifetime ahead.

Wal-Mart

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart when your going to be in there for a long
time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when
they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares.... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! '

Junk

Baby, that ain't junk in yo' trunk.
That be precious cargo.... so if i may be so bold...
please allow me to... handle with care.


*lol*

Sometimes, it sucks getting busted checking out a chick's ass.
Sometimes, it's downright funny.
But hey, what else is an innocent, sheepish smile for, right?

:)

Just another random thought at 9:50PM

"Baby, I wanna dip you in ketchup and eat you like a tater tot"

i read this, and laughed

then again, Pink Tiger took a picture months ago...


"Check it out Bum's a tot!" - Pink Tiger

Jan 13 2006

Friday the 13th.
Usually taken as a day of dread, especially for those with Triskaidekaphobia, or fear of the number 13. Eh, never have had issues with Friday the 13th. My grandparents got married on that day many years ago. But, i'll tell you this...

Thursday was a culmination of a long week. Aside from work and school and other things, it's just been adding up lately and believe it or not, it rarely does get to me, but it was adding up this week. I actually didn't sleep until 7AM friday. I'd figured ya know, might as well stay awake so i took a shower at 630am, but lied down for a little while burning a CD around 7AM, and woke up at 8:30AM. Made it to our 9am meeting, but the start of the morning was just...ha ha... slow.

Finally started to gain speed by lunchtime. Attended Leroy's going away lunch, but decided to postpone actually eating til afterwards. So, after that, Smiley and I headed for a quick food run,...well, I did, he just came along for the ride. Got back, and I snuck and hid in one of my hiding places trying to eat in peace and just chill, trying to build up some form of energy.

Now, don't get me wrong... I've got energy 24/7... like... perma-caffeinated... so it's not a physical drain, but it was just the case of the blah. :) So anyways, Patsy still came over asking questions on her stuff as I ate, which was ok. After lunch, i guess i snapped out of it and it was on. Got some more things done at work. Not too happy with how things are happening, but what can you do, right? Well, the best you can do.

Around 5ish, KC called and asked what we were doing. I'm like... Um... what are we doing? She wante to go out, haver a few "R-OH", and just chill. So, I'm like...well, either a hockey game... Iowa was playing the Aeros... or catch a movie. I really wanted and needed the social interaction, but wasn't all in for an R-OH night. Had that monday, and granted it wasn't much, i usually like to limit myself. ha ha. scary. Anyways, i called EEP and asked... surprisingly, to me, she said yes, so it was a hockey night. I called KC and sad, hockey is a GO.

Picked EEP up, and the drive to the Toyota Center was really fun. The conversation was fun and I learned a good deal. Got to the Center and ran into KC while Colin parked. Well...more of KC found us. :)
Note to y'all... Bum and KC are a deadly combination. We've yet to get Colin as insane as we can get, but we're getting there. However, Friday was KC and Bum-lite. ha ha. Didn't wanna scare EEP too badly. Then again, when I first met KC's Mom years ago, and Kerry was with us... it was also to a hockey game. good times, good times. Though Colin didn't join in the dancing,... i swear, we'll get him to, just wait... the three of us (KC, EEP, and I) danced and made it on the big screen. *lol* awesome! and we also watched the lil kids with the noise-sticks use them as swords/clubs, bonking the kid sitting next to them. WAY funny. As for chuck-a-puck...

ha ha. Ok. Chuck-a-puck. Basically, it's a numbered orange puck made of rubber. During an intermission, they put one hockey helmet on center ice. If yours lands in the helmet, or is the closest to land to it, you win. KC threw hers, then EEP. ha ha. they fared better than I did. How badly? Well, yer supposed to CHUCK THE PUCK. i sorta let mine go too late, and instead of going over the glass onto the ice... yeah... uh... mine decided to almost peg the back of a guy's head. *LOL* I kid you not. so, as we left to return to our seats... we just had to laugh.

The Aeros put up a good 3rd period, but Iowa still claimed the night, 3-2. payback for the previous night when the Aeros got them. AH well.

After the game, we headed to Cecil's just to hang out, and we stayed there chatting until around 1:30ish.
I dropped EEP off back to her place, and drove home... got in, and went straight to sleep. Ha ha. i woke up at 3pm today, ate brunch consisting of chicken noodle soup, took a shower, then went to church. did an errand after that, and now... well, here we are.

Friday was a very fun night for me, and well, it was a nice change and fun. :) Hope to do it again some time.