Post 1100
Dear World,
I left work today, walking out with Jessica with a miserable outlook on the night. I drove, didn't know if I was gonna do furniture with Starrla, Walmart with Jess, or Trivia with KC and Colin. I drove around. Made my way to the mall. I didn't really have the intention of buying or staying there too long. I called Cindy and Julie. Jules was busy, but we'll just have to say hey on Tuesday. Got to Barnes and Noble with the intent to have a frap with menthol. Turned down a scary movie with Wilson and Lauren. And just... walked inside Barnes and looked at books and comics. Saw a pirate book. (Yes, Smiley, once a pirate, always a pirate, but still). And finally, just left, drove home, and got home.
Got home, took a piss, and turned the laptop on. And then i finally snapped out of it. I've got my appetite back. I'm hungry. I'm content. I'm happy, and it's not so much giddy, but as if i hit some invisible reset button. It hit me. One week ago, I did something I hadn't done before and that was ask someone out and had fun at that. So much so that I couldn't wait until I could do so again, even with the unspoken waiting bullshit rule, ha ha, i waited. And went out again on Monday. And waited again til the next time. Only... there was no next time, and even if there would have been, i'd been bogged down with the thought of even getting there. Reservations? Yeah, maybe, kinda. who knows. maybe. but tonight is friday. and i was miserable. miserable all week, noticeably all week. not to my design, against my will i stood beside my own reflection in front of this laptop. and it hit me. i was miserable because i got addicted to something new, and there was one thing lacking that i was scared of and ya know... the fact that i am home tonight, i faced the fear, and i'm still alive. probably with a fucking ulcer, but hey, i prolly lost some weight... but the point is, dear Jessica, you're right, and yeah, others have told me this too, but Jess drove the point home.
Dear Life,
you are once again my bitch. you are not just once again my bitch, but you have learned something new, and i from you, and this is good. And so, i'm accepting rejection or even the mere thought of it. it happens, but you still live. yeah, i know, yer saying shut the fuck up, age old lesson... but it took a while to get to me, fuckers. Memo took a while. but it's here now, and hmmm... yeah... next time, i'll use the word date. fuck it. that's Life. Time I started living it while I still have it.
I left work today, walking out with Jessica with a miserable outlook on the night. I drove, didn't know if I was gonna do furniture with Starrla, Walmart with Jess, or Trivia with KC and Colin. I drove around. Made my way to the mall. I didn't really have the intention of buying or staying there too long. I called Cindy and Julie. Jules was busy, but we'll just have to say hey on Tuesday. Got to Barnes and Noble with the intent to have a frap with menthol. Turned down a scary movie with Wilson and Lauren. And just... walked inside Barnes and looked at books and comics. Saw a pirate book. (Yes, Smiley, once a pirate, always a pirate, but still). And finally, just left, drove home, and got home.
Got home, took a piss, and turned the laptop on. And then i finally snapped out of it. I've got my appetite back. I'm hungry. I'm content. I'm happy, and it's not so much giddy, but as if i hit some invisible reset button. It hit me. One week ago, I did something I hadn't done before and that was ask someone out and had fun at that. So much so that I couldn't wait until I could do so again, even with the unspoken waiting bullshit rule, ha ha, i waited. And went out again on Monday. And waited again til the next time. Only... there was no next time, and even if there would have been, i'd been bogged down with the thought of even getting there. Reservations? Yeah, maybe, kinda. who knows. maybe. but tonight is friday. and i was miserable. miserable all week, noticeably all week. not to my design, against my will i stood beside my own reflection in front of this laptop. and it hit me. i was miserable because i got addicted to something new, and there was one thing lacking that i was scared of and ya know... the fact that i am home tonight, i faced the fear, and i'm still alive. probably with a fucking ulcer, but hey, i prolly lost some weight... but the point is, dear Jessica, you're right, and yeah, others have told me this too, but Jess drove the point home.
Dear Life,
you are once again my bitch. you are not just once again my bitch, but you have learned something new, and i from you, and this is good. And so, i'm accepting rejection or even the mere thought of it. it happens, but you still live. yeah, i know, yer saying shut the fuck up, age old lesson... but it took a while to get to me, fuckers. Memo took a while. but it's here now, and hmmm... yeah... next time, i'll use the word date. fuck it. that's Life. Time I started living it while I still have it.
posted by Bum at 18:29
2 Comments:
I'm very confused...
who are you?
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