Past voicemail returning - Presell

Everytime at the stores, I'm at the checkout line, and i get asked,

Hey, do you want some free issues with that?
-No. They're not really free. And if you forget to cancel the thing, they charge you.

Hey, would you like to add this to your purchase?
-No. If I wanted it or needed it, I'd have said, please add this.

Hey, do you want an extended warranty for this item?
-Um... no. Not really. Maybe next time.

My favorite?
Would you like to put money down for this item on pre-sell?
-Maybe. Depends. is it something I'd still want to get by the time it gets here? Maybe.

How does this all relate to a voicemail coming back?
Well, apparently, I'd had a good few to drink one night. Tipsy Bum. Gigglin' laughin' What-Did-I-Did yet I actually remember Bum.

I called my dear friend and left her voicemail. Something along the lines of,
"Hey .... ! Um...tee-hee-hee. If you're still single in 4 years, will you marry me?
I mean, you've got your pick, but in case you get bored, tee hee hee"

So I was thinking about her today and was gonna leave her voicemail asking how she was. She's ok, moving from one place to another, etc etc. And as we were hanging up, she said,
"Hey wait... some time agho, you left me voicemail..."
"Uh oh... hee hee, I think I did."
"Yeah, I laughed out loud on that one like, are you serious?"
"Well, i mean, if you are in 4 yrs or so and stuff, sure!"
"Oh, ok, cuz I was like..."
"heh...well, if you just get tired of looking, i'll be like..."
"like...my backup."
"Yeah, Plan B. Your backup plan"
"Which is good cuz my previous Backup just got married"

So there. 4 yrs. Time flies real quick.

"So hey, would you be interested in this pre-sell for a single Bum? Supplies are limited"

Heh.

All Relative

This holiday weekend...

Friday, worked.
Took Big Ern to the airport. Heh heh, Pepe. The co-ops must learn NOT to schedule meetings after lunch on a friday before a holiday. Sheesh. And Pepe needs to learn how to decline the meetings. Errands after work in prep for relatives this weekend.

Saturday.
Recently, I'd been checking the tires on the truck cuz though they are with the right pressure, it just didn't seem right. But each time I checked, it was right. Saturday, if ya think it, it'll happen. Had a flat tire. Got a lil screw in it. Go fig. Got that changed out, finished the rest of the errands and got the relatives. Relative Saturday.

Sunday.
From one set of relatives to more. Family friends had a graduation party. His older sibs are like younger sibs to me. Went to that. More relatives came. Then some rain. Then old friends from local and far away as in flew in. Then more rain came.

Monday.
Cleaned around the house. Didn't get much sleep this weekend. How do I know?

Tuesday. Today.
Walked into work, coworker said Man, your eyes are red.
No alcohol, honest. I behaved this weekend. Just lack of sleep.

Long weekend. Tiring weekend. But it's all relative.

Dreamin of a dreamgirl

Every now and then, I have a nice vivid dream and I actually see my 'dreamgirl'. I don't know her name. I don't know where she is from, and whatever else, but in the dreams I've had, and they've been spread out over years, she always looks the same.

She's got this medium to dark brown hair, usually been short to shoulder length, slight tan, almost olive tone, pretty cool and yet quirky, which is what i like about her most, and she's a fun person to hang out with.

Can't say I've ever met anyone like her as in, personality + the description she fits + the way she looks... and i doubt i ever will. but ... yeah, it's silly, and stupid, and weird all at the same time... but it's just odd. i see her in my dreams.

Ice Cream Testimony - Sue

May 23, 2005 19:00 from Sue to John
hehe......you know, I've never thought of ice cream like that but you're absolutely right :)

[Mail> msg #64900534

Ice Cream Testimony - Trishykins

May 25, 2005 23:28 from Triscuit to John
*reads profile*we had ice cream cake at workI was grumpy before and stabbed my ice cream cake until it bled chocolate and then I ate it and was happy

therefore, one cannot be mad while eating ice cream :)
[Mail> msg #64912710

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Faith, hope, and love,
and the greatest of these is love.

Arabic

المتبطل السكير طنين

Somehow, this is how "Bum" would look like in arabic.

Bedroom Golf

THE RULES OF BEDROOM GOLF

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally
one club and two balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of the hole.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play
begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club
to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the
course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take
time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well
formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being
played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's
equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper raingear along just in case.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for
the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if
they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private
course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful
in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of
play when this is the case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission
before attempting to play the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged; however, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's
request.

14. It is considered outstanding performance to play the same hole
several times in one match.

Southern Stuff

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY

- "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
- Duct tape won't fix that
- Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael
- Come to think of it I'll have a Heineken's
- We don't keep firearms in this house.
- Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
- You can't feed that to the dog.
- I thought Graceland was tacky.
- No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
- Wrasslin's fake. (This one is my favorite, of course.)
- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
- We're vegetarians.
- Do you think my hair is too big?
- I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
- Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
- Who's Richard Petty?
- Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
- Deer heads detract from the decor.
- Spitting is such a nasty habit.
- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
- Trim the fat off that steak.
- Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
- The tires on that truck are too big.
- I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
- I've got it all on a floppy disk.
- Unsweetened tea tastes better.
- Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
- My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
- I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
- Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
- Checkmate.
- She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
- Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
- Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
- I don't have a favorite college team.
- Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
- I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
- Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
- Elvis who?

And more corny jokes and laws

What did the mexican man say when a house fell out of the sky on top of him??
"get off me, homes!!"

"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice"
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"The Law of Motivation"
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

"Boob's Law"
You always find something in the last place you look.

"Weiler's Law"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law"
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. Thatperson must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.

"Law of Drunkenness"
You can't fall off the floor.

"Heller's Law"
The first myth of management is that it exists.

"Osborne's Law"
Variables won't; constants aren't.

"Main's Law"
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Who made humans?

Who Made Humans?
***********************************************
Three freshman engineering students were sitting
around one day arguing about who might've designed
the human body.

The first one said, "It must've been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that."

The second one said, "No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are
wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer."

Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste waterline through a recreational area?"

choose yer own adventure

I wonder what happened to the Choose Your Own Adventure book authors.
Did they pick the wrong book to write about, and WHAM, no more books?

I want to do one on relationships.

"Your girlfriend asks if those jeans make her hips look big.

Say Yes, page 15.
Say No, page 77.
Delay, turn to page 38."


[Pg15 - no nookie.]

[Pg77 - Gi-ddy-up]

[Pg38 - You get asked more questions -> Pg15]

Envelope please, for May 23, 2005

Lex is currently my fave reader.

that is all.

tune in tomorrow for more favorite readers.

random thoughts

if you think this post is about you....

well, ok, maybe just this once, it IS about you.

so there.

Angel or Demon?

I don't think I can be one or the other, but rather a mixture of both.
But that doesn't make me unique because there's a lot of us out there that fall in this category.

Being a demon ALL the time gets old.
And being an Angel all the time, eh, boring.

Fuck it. hee hee

besides, if ya have both horns and a halo, you can play ring toss.

Cartoons and Smurfs Gone Wild

When I was growing up, I never questioned the realism of cartoons.
I never really wondered why the hell on G.I. Joe, they can fire so many weapons to where all you see are blue and red lasers going here and there... and not ONE person got killed.

Injured? maybe a few times to warrant some bandages, but you never heard about a Joe not coming back for another episode.

He-Man? he was gay. next?

Thundercats? Never saw anything really sexual about it. But looking back?

Panthro. Seemed like the bruthaman of the group, had the all out blinging spiky outfit, had awesome nunchuk skills (a plus that girlfriends look for), and well, anyways...Panthro... looked like the S&M whips and chains gear. He also drove the thundertank. Pimp my ride? I think not. the thundertank was tanked out pimped out rollin' on 20s.

Tygra? he wielded a mean whip. he also built the Cat's lair. uh huh. bachelor pad.
The leotard was kinda lame though.

Cheetarah? Awwww yeah. She put the kitty in kat. and of all the cats, who got to wield the stick? yeah, a balance... animator's way to reduce the amount of penis envy. *shrug* hellified know.

Snarf? Lion'O prison bish. nuff said.

and finally...Lion-O. He was the Dom. When Lion-O said jump, the rest of the cats said, How High mutha-SHUT YO MOUF! (but i'm talkin' 'bout Lion-O!). And his weapon of choice? The Eye of Thundera. A sword. A Phallic symbol. He whacked it three times, calling it 'thunder' as the sword got longer. Finally, he lets out a loud cry, i.e. Hooooooooooo, and the Eye of Thundera shoots out. Uh huh.

And now, on to the main feature. Smurfs.
What if Papa Smurf was really Dirty Old Smurf? Vanity had a queer smurf for the straight smurf...or was Hefty's prison bish. Smurfette? She had them all wrapped around her fingers.

The rejected smurfs?
Smurfpac
Pimpdaddy Smurf
Drugdealin' Smurf
Crackrock Smurf
Slutty Smurf
Poolboy Smurf
etc etc

"I'm here to clean out your pool Smurfette..."
"But I don't HAVE a pool, Poolboy Smurf..."

*Smurf chikka Smurf Smurf*

the pleasant surprise

caught up with one of my old friends. she'd responded, and I sent a message back.

Bum is giddy with the world.

My Mind's Playin Tricks on Me

as the Geto Boys said,

At night i can't sleep
I toss and turn

well, 4am and haven't tossed and turned yet cuz i still haven;t gone to sleep.
Brownsville was a long drive yesterday, visited a church, then headed back.

Anyway, couldn't sleep so checked eBay, revised some information here and there, sent messgaes to a few of my old friends from school, and then checked work email.

Argh. anyway, I think I'm gonna go finish watching XXX on PSP and then try to sleep.

Order

no, not in the sense of law and stuff
we're talkin placin one.

One large Oreo and peanut butter cup Sonic blast, please.


or a Gotta have it Coffee Lovers with mint ice cream mixed in from Cold Stone, please.

Inner Mexican

So yeah, i've got a counterpart at another company, and he's pretty cool.
One day, I visited their building to review some hardware, so I got introduced to their technician, Juan. Now, my friend and I sometimes talk in spanish so I can keep what spanish i do know still good. So he introduces me to Juan, and so it's all cool.

Weeks later, it's cinco de mayo, so I see Juan when we do an inspection/demonstration there again, and wish him a happy cinco de mayo. after the inspection, some said, well, back to the office. another said, i'm going home. when it got to me, I said, hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere, and it's cinco de mayo, so....

heh. so later that night, we're all at Otis' place and my friend comes over and says, Orale, Dude, guess what Juan asked after y'all left?

What?

He asked if you were Mexican!

Ah yes. aside from being an asian redneck, I am also part Mexican.
Comes with this part of the country, I guess. and the diluted spanish blood.

tee hee

there's this chic Cath

she's got this smile that lights up
and ya just have to smile with her

she's got a wild sense of humor
and she hearts Benicio Del Toro

but keep her away from the bar
cuz then it's on!

there's this chic Sue

and she knows just what to do
ah, she'd know how to love me
yes indeed
and she actuall knows what she does to me

tee hee.
Crafty chic

there's this chic Kerry

and she is so very
feisty
spicy
and she can kick my ass
but i think i can also take her.

actually, when i'm 31 and she'll be... 28, if we're still single, ah.... woo hoo.

i just have to keep the other guys away from her.
hmm. i scheme scheme plot plot to be Kerry's number one spot.

there's this chic Erin

and she's hot.
and she's funny.
and she's beautiful.

doesn't do ice cream much,
but i still like her anyways.

A lil bit of Erin.

Mambo Number lost count

Lou Bega did that one-hit wonder but so catchy tune when it was out, Mambo Number 5.

but in this case, i've lost count.

whatever happened to...

VH-1 usually does a What ever happened to... special,
and so I'm wondering...

whatever happened to the rest of the A-Team?

etc etc

i wonder if who else wonders whatever happened to...?

meetings

are good for catching up on sleep,
perfecting your doodling skills,
catching up on paperwork while drowning out the person talking,
and deciding what to do after work/meeting...

Meetings...
nothing more than meetings
nothing more than just a
big waste of time

Meetings...
about having more meetings
the concept still really makes me
just lose my mind

Meetings,
whoa-oh-oh meetings
whoa-oh-oh meetings
almost every day

snickers ice cream bars

magicarry dericious.

Redneck Stuff

I got the following from what someone had posted on a BBS. I agree.

Red Neck Jokes
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country andGod. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya are...

You might be a redneck if:
1. It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
2. You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
3. You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
4. You bow your head when someone prays.
5. You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
6. You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
7. You've never burned an American flag.
8. You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
9. You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
10.You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about inthis email.

God Bless the USA!
The Location of Paradise has far more to do with the person than the place!

Ready, Set, Stop.

I remember the kid games where you want to race...
two people line up... and there's a middleman... heh...
and the middleman has the power...

the power to say
Ready?
Set?
GO!

Except sometimes, you say STOP, instead of GO... false start.

A thought hit me again. I just got back home from a long trip down from nowhere, and checked mail, etc. Not much other than junk email, and the like. Got the daily match.com email, and saw the same old faces they keep trying to pimp off of me just as they try to pimp me off to them. Looked at one of them again, what they're looking for, and I think, hey, i've got that quality. Ditto on that.
I'm Ready.

And then I think of how my personality's evolved and yet another recent conversation with Pepe. Didn't really tie into it other than him saying I needed a woman to spend my money on other than movies and games and whatever junk. He could be right. I'm Set.

But tonight, i thought, hey, maybe i'm not as ready as I think I am or want to be. I'm not as set as I thought as well. Maybe STOP would be better than GO.

I don't know. I guess it's talked about enough in my head, and I just want to push pause on it right now.
Aside from thinking I don't qualify anyways, i still have a lot of questions in my head.
Maybe I'll just wait til I'm past 30 and start to worry about it.

Ready? Set? No.

Kickin it up a notch

Bum,
BAM!

-Emeril.

Damn, what else can ya say?
But Stay Tuned, cuz we're gonna kick it up a notch!

tee hee hee

Tee hee hee...
so yeah, about remembering the past... ah...
tee hee hee
long live playmates.

And Shari just took my hat and put it on.
grRRrrrr :) my kinda woman

Mel

My dear friend Mel.
Ah, she was always fun to hang out with.

Lunch schedule

Once upon a time,
Otis, Skip, and I, along with a few others, would head on down to lunch at this fine, fine establishment because playmates were there. Business...was good. Food was ok too, but ya tend to not notice.

In love with spanish eyes

Yes... I love spanish eyes.
She looked cute, so I innocently asked, hi, can I get a picture with you?
*shrug* didn't hurt to ask. and she smiled and voila.

kodak moment

Barcelona Nights

heading out of Barcelona, I took a picture of the sun setting.
And so capturing a moment of a Barcelona night...
which is also one of my favorite songs.

How rare - graffiti

This was just... heh heh.

Dancing in the fountain

Ok, so granted I didn't dance in this fountain, it was still neat watching it lit up.

Silence

I just liked how quiet it was here...

Bon Jour

Bon Jour.
She was pretty cool and friendly. and this is another reminder why i got called photoslut

Coach's ring

Emmitt Smith's running back coach was pretty cool, so much so, he let me put on his Superbowl ring. He let me put on the other one as if it were nothing later on.

Italian Women

Yep, I love italian women too..

Women in Uniform

Italian Women

Patrizia was a pretty cool guide. She was smart and good-lookin.

Pisa fun - 3

tee hee.

Pisa fun - 2

Time to move the rook....

again, i was bored while waiting in line...so creativity took over

Pisa fun - 1

While everyone took the pose and camera line-up adjustment to make it look like they're not gonna let it fall.. i got a lil creative while waiting.

Piano Man

Anselmo was the piano man . And i captured the moment and tada

drinkin

Nice drink. and they just kept comin'

The music plays on

guitar

Coach's other ring

Coach was pretty cool cuz he let me wear the other on as I returned. good grief, they're bug rings

Santorini Sunset

Flamenco gift

I'd always wanted to watch flamenco dance. Well, here was actually my birthday...and I got Flamenco entertainment. Jessica on the right is cute, but her husband Luis sat next to me. Tee hee. so i behaved.

But they put on a really good show.

Wide blue yonder

After getting off the transfer ferry, I looked down and was shocked to see how clear the water was as deep as it was. Anyways, it was aweome.

The Greek Amphitheater

So while I was climbing up the Acropolis, I looked down and said, ooOOoo.
So while I'm trying to imagine how it was thousands of years ago, the damn guide would not stop talking about how Yanni performed there.

Shut the hell up about yanni already, I'm trying to draw in ancient Greece here. *lol*