Southern Stuff

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY

- "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
- Duct tape won't fix that
- Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael
- Come to think of it I'll have a Heineken's
- We don't keep firearms in this house.
- Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
- You can't feed that to the dog.
- I thought Graceland was tacky.
- No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
- Wrasslin's fake. (This one is my favorite, of course.)
- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
- We're vegetarians.
- Do you think my hair is too big?
- I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
- Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
- Who's Richard Petty?
- Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
- Deer heads detract from the decor.
- Spitting is such a nasty habit.
- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
- Trim the fat off that steak.
- Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
- The tires on that truck are too big.
- I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
- I've got it all on a floppy disk.
- Unsweetened tea tastes better.
- Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
- My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
- I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
- Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
- Checkmate.
- She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
- Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
- Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
- I don't have a favorite college team.
- Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
- I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
- Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
- Elvis who?