Faith

Am I religious?
No. Not as much as I want to be or should be, I guess.
If I were to die tomorrow... better yet, if i fully believed in telling a priest what I have done in the past will grant me salvation, versus me just talking to God directly and asking for forgiveness... man, we'd have to block off some hours.

Like I said, there's that thing they call the Ten Commandments, and I only need one more to collect all ten, and I haven't killed anyone yet.

I guess i'm either getting desperate or bored or both or neither, but i set up an ad on catholicsingles.com.
and now, i don't think i'm even good enough for those i consider i share the same faith with cuz of the shit i've pulled.

and still i pray. sometimes, in the back of my mind, God has a sense of humor. I should've become a priest.
but Lord knows if a cute woman was in the congregation during a homily, i'd lose my train of thought. sad and bad, i know. but true.

i believe in what my religion has to offer as far as yeah, i believe in the saints, promise of a heaven, though sometimes, i wonder if it's not so much a place, but a state of being, even if a state of mind...i believe in that.
i still go every weekend. sometimes, the priest's homily is so dead-on, i wonder if they knew what was on my mind and were talking directly to me. what are the odds?

faith. i hold on to it. it's wrong, i think, to question it at times, but then again... i also think, if i question or test my own faith, and believe in it more, it's just strengthening it. i don't know.

sometimes my prayers get answered. sometimes they don't. but when they don't, i just rationalize that it's not meant to be, or there's got to be some reason for it.

if i lost all faith, i'd have also lost all hope.
and so i'll always have faith.