Wal-Mart - a southerner's paradise
A friend called and asked what I was up to. I said I was bein' a good redneck.
Now, before some mofo gets all uppity and thinks I'm bein' sarcastic, you have to understand...
I've got friends from even Tennessee and the Carolinas who say I:
-have a hick accent
-am a redneck
That in itself is scary. Oh, but read a bit further down. Things to do at Wal-Mart. :P
With that in mind, my friend then said, "So you're at Wal-mart?" "Yep!"
You can NEVER be true and go to Wal-mart and not get at least one item. That shit just does not happen. You can NOT say Wal-Mart didn't have what I was lookin' for. That just means ya didn't look hard enough. Heh.
15 Things to entertain yourself at Walmart while your significant other is taking their sweet time shopping:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they not looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares and see what happens (best if timed just right with #2).
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ''Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"
There ya go.
Now, before some mofo gets all uppity and thinks I'm bein' sarcastic, you have to understand...
I've got friends from even Tennessee and the Carolinas who say I:
-have a hick accent
-am a redneck
That in itself is scary. Oh, but read a bit further down. Things to do at Wal-Mart. :P
With that in mind, my friend then said, "So you're at Wal-mart?" "Yep!"
You can NEVER be true and go to Wal-mart and not get at least one item. That shit just does not happen. You can NOT say Wal-Mart didn't have what I was lookin' for. That just means ya didn't look hard enough. Heh.
15 Things to entertain yourself at Walmart while your significant other is taking their sweet time shopping:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they not looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares and see what happens (best if timed just right with #2).
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ''Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"
There ya go.
posted by Bum at 22:36
1 Comments:
LOFL. Great things to do! Love the last one!
Post a Comment
<< Home