Disarmed with a smile

went to work today.
same old shit with the lab clean-up.
Smiley and Hails are the only two keeping me sane right now.
Pink Tiger is keeping me sane too, I reckon.

the good news is, Hailz is on top of things, and stuff's actually getting done. Smiley's helpin' too.

lately, and i'll be plain and simply honest, i really feel empty at work. as in, am i doing anything? i mean, shit... i used to do projects and it was all gravy. but now, attend a few meetings, deal with paperwork to get the lab cleaned out...that just doesn't seem to want to get cleaned out...must be a cursed lab... and it's not that i don't care. the fact that inside, i do and that it's just not going as fast as i would expect is just frustrating. i've got four folks with me, plus Smiley, and they're all great people, but i wonder if i'm even any help to them. the last time i felt a lil shitty like this regarding work was 2 years ago, i think, when every time i got to work, something new...well, several things new would spring up as an issue that by the time those get put out, more spring up so it's like...forgetting what ya had to do in the first place.

i mean, sure... got some stuff moved out to where it was supposed to go, met with several people in a meeting or so, filled out forms here and there, finished a simple drawing and got it approved in the system in less than a day, answered a few questions, reviewed stuff...and at the end of the day, even though I did do some stuff, i feel like... what the fuck did i do today? don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining about my job, it's just stating the fact that it's like... ok, time's up, end of the day...what got done? something? anything? i just don't 'feel' it...even if something, anything did get done. it's like... i'm numb.

skipped out on my test tonight and opted to take it on Thursday.
that's about the brunt of it regarding classes. after that exam, end of that class.
but one class started this week, and another will start next week.

after work? main reason why i skipped on class tonight was cuz it's my cousin's birthday. she got out of class early, so i called and checked to see she was available, so i picked up a chocolate birthday cake and took it to her place and beteen her, me, and her roommate, we just had a lil birthday cake and ice cream and stuff. traffic going to her place wasn't too bad, but the other direction had an accident...glad it cleared up by the time i was heading back.

picked up some flowers and a card for Mom as well. Already had her gift picked out...her birthday's tomorrow. prolly gonna go bake a cake tomorrow too after work.

lunch was pretty cool today. Player and Bro, along with Skip and CinCity all went to B-Dubs. Actually got our food and got back to work in time (sorta) for the 1 o'clock mtg. But as Player and Bro found out... the strawberry whatever from jamba juice sucked.

so after i got home, ate dinner, did another shirt design, and right now, just chillin. nothing really on ebay i think, but i didn't really check much. email was fun. "[ ] received your wink and reviewed your profile, but is not interested." Eh. as we say at work, this is becoming, if not already, the nominal condition. the drive back from Cuz's, radio off (after listening to the pre-game for the Astros tonight) was just one of those nice long drives home to just sit, drive, and think.

and think.

and think some more.

and what i'd give to be disarmed by a smile.